7 Things You Need to Know about Social Anxiety and How to Manage It
Everyone worries from time to time, and feeling anxious once in a while is normal. But when everyday worries and anxious moments take over your life, you may be struggling with the most common mental health diagnosis worldwide–an anxiety disorder. While there are a few unique types of anxiety disorders, all are characterized by excessive fear or worry in situations that are not threatening, and all can be debilitating.
Specifically, for those with social anxiety disorder, the fear that permeates social interactions and experiences has a devastating impact on one’s quality of life.
Social anxiety is an intense fear of being watched or judged by others. It’s self-consciousness in the extreme, and a persistent fear of what others might think. It’s a sense of overwhelming pressure to not “embarrass yourself.” It’s being consumed with feelings of dread at the idea of a social event, and it’s the inevitable “what if’s.” What if they think you’re weird? What if you say the wrong thing? What if you don’t know anyone there? What if you’re the only one dressed this way? What if you blush or babble? What if they can tell you’re anxious?
This fear of being scrutinized or judged negatively by others is relentless and exhausting, and makes everyday interactions unbearable. Here are 7 things you need to know about managing social anxiety:
1. Understand why you may be feeling this way
Social anxiety can come from many places. Often, we have had past experiences in childhood that lead us to be cautious or fearful of the intentions of others. While these patterns may initially start as a needed way to protect, over time they can start to interfere with our ability to connect with others.
Many times what is underneath social anxiety is a sense of self-judgment. A lot of times you may notice the negative messages you feel about yourself are exactly what you’re worried others will think.
Encouraging yourself to grow in self-love and self-acceptance can make a big impact on social anxiety.
Learning to be more kind and accepting of yourself can be a tricky process. Don’t be afraid to reach out for support!
2. Avoidance Doesn’t Help
Over time, people who struggle with social anxiety develop a habit of avoidance. After all, it just seems easier to avoid social situations altogether than to face the certain panic you’ll experience if you attend an event. Problem solved, right? Wrong.
Avoidance might provide short-term relief but only makes things worse in the long run.
While it’s tempting to avoid those situations that bring up fear and anxiety, the more you avoid them, the more you reinforce those fears and make it that much harder on yourself the next time.
So start small. If you only put yourself in social situations when you absolutely have to such as a wedding you can’t RSVP no to or a big birthday party, you probably will have a harder time using the strategies listed below. If you choose to put yourself in social situations such as walking around the mall, or making a plan to start a conversation with someone at work, you will begin to practice these strategies and feel much more in control.
3. Just Breathe!
One of the first things that happen as anxiety increases is your breath becomes more shallow or you forget to breathe altogether. It may sound cliche, but deep breathing and other relaxation techniques really do help. Breathing exercises reduce stress by increasing the flow of oxygen to your brain, which reduces blood pressure, slows the heart, and releases tension. It promotes a state of calmness and helps you feel more connected to your body. The great thing is as you get better at these strategies, you can even do them while in a social situation to help put your body at ease.
Start simply by bringing awareness to your breath. Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose, allowing your lower belly to expand with air as you do, and then slowly exhale through your mouth. Repeat these breaths for several minutes. You can also add a positive mantra such as “I breathe in peace, and I breathe out stress and tension.” Notice any tightness you feel in your body by doing a body scan. Release the tension by breathing, stretching, or shaking it out.
Square breathing: Also known as “Box Breathing,” this technique is simple and effective, and utilizes a 4-4-4-4 breath pattern. To begin, breathe in through your nose to the count of four, then hold your breath to the count of four. Exhale through your mouth to the count of four, and lastly, hold that breath again to the count of four. Repeat this cycle several times.
4-7-8 breathing technique: Another effective counting strategy is the 4-7-8 technique. Sit comfortably, relax your shoulders, and straighten your back. Exhale completely, then inhale through your nose to a count of four. Hold your breath to a count of seven. Then exhale completely through your mouth to a count of eight. Repeat for a total of four breath cycles.
4. Engage Your Senses
Bringing awareness to the here and now by engaging the senses of sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste is a helpful strategy to manage anxiety. It’s easy to get stuck in our heads and negative thought loops. Focusing on your senses is a helpful way to get out of your head and into what is actually happening.
One way of engaging the senses is a grounding technique called 5-4-3-2-1. Simply name five things you see around you (a light, a stage, a chair, etc). Then name four things you can touch, and actually touch those items (a door, the wall, your clothing, a glass, etc). Next, name three things you can hear around you, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Again, this is doable even in social situations and can help you feel more grounded in your environment.
5. Prepare Ahead
If you’ve got an event coming up, prepare in advance by getting as much information as you can. If possible, get a sense of the space or location. How big will it be? Is it far from where you live? How many people might be there? Is it a formal or informal event? Will there be food or drinks? Do you know anyone else who might be there or who has perhaps gone to a similar event before? Read up on the event if you can. As the event approaches, practice driving by the location or going in. Check things out. The more prepared you feel as far as what to expect, the less anxiety you might have.
On the day of the event, allow enough time to get ready without feeling rushed. If you know it normally takes you an hour to get ready, give yourself 90 minutes. Enough extra time to take some pressure off, but not so much that you’re stewing. Do give yourself extra time to get to the event if there’s a specific start time. The last thing you need is to find yourself stuck in traffic or searching for parking as the clock ticks.
6. Talk Back to Negative Self-Talk
Practice challenging anxious thoughts with statements like, “a thought is just a thought,” or “I notice that I’m having the thought that…” For instance, instead of being consumed with the thought, “Oh my gosh they totally think I’m weird,” try, “I notice that I’m having the thought that they think I’m weird.” Using this strategy creates just a little bit of a separation between you and the thought itself and allows you to engage a different part of your brain.
Be gentle with yourself. Thoughts like “what’s wrong with me?” are common, but judging yourself harshly only increases anxiety. It adds pressure, which increases stress, and stress triggers anxiety. Instead, practice positive self-talk. “You can do this. You’ve got this. It’s going to be fine.”
7. Sometimes Medication is the Next Line of Defense
Practicing healthy coping skills will reduce social anxiety over time, and it gets easier. But there are also situations when adding a psychotropic medication can be an important part of the process. In fact, sometimes medication is necessary to allow your body to feel ready to practice these strategies. It can be a useful tool to ease your anxiety to the point you feel capable of practicing a breathing strategy, or putting yourself in a social situation.
Anxiety medications work on the parts of our brain we cannot consciously control, the hormones and neurotransmitters involved in the fight or flight response that trigger anxiety and panic. Talk to your trusted medical provider to see if medication is a good fit for you in managing your anxiety.
You’re Not Alone
Practice self-compassion. Remember that you are not alone in your struggle, that anxiety is an incredibly common experience, and that help is available. Reach out to friends and family for encouragement, and consider working with a therapist for additional support. It’s not easy, but social anxiety can be treated very effectively with the right tools, resources, support, and strategies. You’ve got this!
Written by,
Dr. John Danial
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Simi Psychological Group is a Simi Valley therapy practice offering an array of therapy services including Child therapy, Teen therapy, Anxiety treatment, Depression Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Trauma Therapy and Group Therapy. Their mission is to reach the true root of your struggles so you can create real lasting change in you and your family’s lives. They know you have full control to live the life you want and deserve, which will then ripple into our community and the world. Contact SImi Psychological Group today for more information (805) 842-1994.